I'm here. I swear!
I have had no time to update lately at all. With Grandma-sitting, working on mortgage loan paperwork, Halloween, and our vacation, I have had no down time. I feel bad, but what can you do? Plus, with Thanksgiving coming up, plus Christmas decorating/shopping, etc. etc, it may not get any better LOL.
Writing here is something I really want to do, but I have taken to electronically reminding myself to do so. Argh!
Oh, there will now be a plant update here as well. I have killed one "angel" plant, almost killed and in the process of saving one begonia, and maintaining one violet, a bamboo and some kind of greenery whose name escapes me.
The poor begonia... poor, poor plant of mine. It was a birthday gift last year. It was HUGE when I got it. The leaves were as big as 5 inches (circumfrence). It actually had blooms as well. If I remember correctly, the blooms were pink. Eventually, everything dropped off except one leaf. I replanted it and am trying to save it. It gained three extra leaves, but now there are only two total.
My pansy, though, is gorgeous. My grandma gave it to me. The 2 purple blooms are huge. I'll show pics when I have my camera at work again.
Until later. I have to run to Pecknel Music to drop off some music for the concert band during lunch.
Showing posts with label me. Show all posts
Showing posts with label me. Show all posts
Tuesday, November 20, 2007
Thursday, October 11, 2007
Do you ever...
...feel left out sometimes?
There is a group of people I know who gets together (there are only 2 ppl we don't know in that group). We're never a part of anything unless it's a huge group, maybe 3-4 times larger. Even then it seems like an obligatory 'let's invite them b/c we kinda have to.' it almost makes me feel like getting something together and not inviting any of them either. i shouldn't feel this way, but it hurts my feelings. i feel like maybe we're not thought of enough to be invited.
i'm not a busybody, and i don't think i should be invited to everything, so don't think of me as that. Just to be asked to come along just once would be nice.
There is a group of people I know who gets together (there are only 2 ppl we don't know in that group). We're never a part of anything unless it's a huge group, maybe 3-4 times larger. Even then it seems like an obligatory 'let's invite them b/c we kinda have to.' it almost makes me feel like getting something together and not inviting any of them either. i shouldn't feel this way, but it hurts my feelings. i feel like maybe we're not thought of enough to be invited.
i'm not a busybody, and i don't think i should be invited to everything, so don't think of me as that. Just to be asked to come along just once would be nice.
Sunday, August 26, 2007
Jung Test
| ESTJ - "Administrator". Much in touch with the external environment. Very responsible. Pillar of strength. 8.7% of total population. |
Thursday, August 23, 2007
PaPa
I've been sitting here looking at this blog for a few days, trying to decide if I want to post. I guess now I do.
I'm not okay by any stretch of my imagination. One of my favorite people in the world, my Pa-Pa, is gone. For the rest of my life, I'll never see him again. That hurts so much more than I can describe. Some people understand, and some, thank goodness, don't have to understand because they haven't lived it. I hope they don't for a long time.
(Mom-Mom and PaPa)
Another thing that has come to mind is this: I don't have anymore Pa-Pas. I lost my other grandpa (who was also a Pa-Pa) back in 2003. So there aren't anymore grandfathers for me. That thought makes me sadder than I have ever been. When Pa-Pa died last week, it hit me so hard. I have never felt so hopeless in all of my life.
(me and Pa-Pa)
I gave him one final doggie beanie baby about a week before he died. A dog that goes with the ones I had been steadily providing him for years, stuffed bean dogs of every sort. You can see some of them in the background of the last picture. It's a little black dog called Chaser. It stayed in his hospital room until the night we all came when the doctors called us. That was the first thing I picked up. I have in right in front of me. I look at it and that whole night comes back.
(me and Pa-Pa again. This picture was an accident, but I couldn't delete it even if I'd wanted to)
I am angry. He should be here. It was NOT his time yet. Yeah, he was 83, but it was a shock, unexpected. He was in the hospital because he'd been in a car accident on July 30th, my niece's birthday. He pulled out into a street from his road on a stormy day (his fault for "not yielding the right of way," supposedly). A 16 year old girl was speeding (I don't need damned skid marks to tell me that) and hit him directly in his side. All that was between him and that van was 4 inches of hollow metal. She hit him so hard that his car was bent on the side that was not hit, shattered all the windows, and knocked his glasses off his face and into the street.
He was hurt so badly. He suffered a broken scapula, cuts on his head that required staples, bleeding on his brain, massive internal & external bruising, a bleeding kidney and a bleeding spleen.
So much of that was healing though, and there was talk of moving him to a local rehabilitation hospital. That's why it is so hard to accept. He was getting better, and all of a sudden, he's gone. Just over two weeks to the day of his accident, we were called and told to come to the hospital, that they were trying to revive him, and we needed to get there immediately. Everyone knew what it meant but no one, including me, wanted to believe it.
I and my cousin had been sleeping over with Grandma for the entire time he was in the hospital, and I just happened to be there that night. Mom called me at 12:45AM and told me to get Grandma up because they were coming to get us. I knew that Mom had said they were trying to revive him, but I couldn't bring myself to say that to Grandma. I just told her to get ready and that I didn't know much. I prayed the whole way over.
I got there and walked into the hospital wing with my Dad. Or, I thought I did. Somewhere between getting out of the elevator and the waiting room, Dad stopped being beside me. Maybe he went over to Mom? All I know is that I was standing there for the ten seconds that felt like ten hours watching everyone cry, hoping they were just stressed and letting it out in a huge way. My aunt stopped what she was doing (hugging someone or just sitting there, I don't remember) when she noticed me standing there by myself. She got up and walked over to me like she was going to hug me. I remember saying 'no, don't you tell me that,' or something, her grabbing hold of me, and I never made it to the chair where she was guiding me. My legs failed to work and I was on the floor almost near screaming. I couldn't get up; I didn't deserve to get up, not when PaPa would never get up again. I remember grabbing hold of a coffee table with one hand, and my fingertips turning white on the other hand when I tried to strangle the floor. I couldn't breathe.
Somehow Dad ended up behind me. He put his hand on my back while I was on the floor. I knew it was him. He always had a gentle touch. I turned around and cried in his arms. He helped me up off the floor. Eventually, the on-call hospital chaplain was with us and trying to explain what happened before the doctors came out. I couldn't listen. I got up and walked to the elevator foyer. A short time after walking over there, Josh showed up with the best timing in the world. I had called him right after Mom called me and told him to meet us there. I cried in his arms for what seemed like forever.
We came back after some time and sat with everyone else. The doctors finally came out, and by now, my brother had come. He was by himself, and eventually I went over to him. The doctors explained that Pa-Pa had said he felt like he was being smothered during a late-night breathing treatment and he became non-responsive and then "coded." They worked on him for two hours. Two hours. I knew what it meant. It still didn't hit me. Not all the way. I'm not sure if it has yet.
We were eventually let in to see him. Grandma was so pitiful. She cried like I'd never seen someone cry before. So did my Mom, my uncle and my aunt (Pa-Pa's children). We all did, but we knew the four of them were even more affected. My uncle took it so hard. My mom passed out numerous times. The only other time I ever saw her pass out was over 15 years ago when she was having anemia problems. The only way anyone got her to stay alert after the last time was me, my brother, and my Dad's voices telling her that Grandma needed her.
I knelt down and took hold of his hand at some point and stroked his fingers. His hand was still warm. God, I swear that I felt it contract for just a second. That's just wrong to say, but that's what I wanted it to feel like. I cried for a long time. Josh never left my side. When I let go, someone else did the same. More people had shown up by then. My sister-in-law, almost the entire family. I had hold of the doggie and his pillow Grandma had brought from home for him. It still smelled like him. When I went over and grabbed his hand again, it was getting colder. That's when I really knew.
I can't write anymore tonight. Maybe some other time.
I'm not okay by any stretch of my imagination. One of my favorite people in the world, my Pa-Pa, is gone. For the rest of my life, I'll never see him again. That hurts so much more than I can describe. Some people understand, and some, thank goodness, don't have to understand because they haven't lived it. I hope they don't for a long time.
(Mom-Mom and PaPa)Another thing that has come to mind is this: I don't have anymore Pa-Pas. I lost my other grandpa (who was also a Pa-Pa) back in 2003. So there aren't anymore grandfathers for me. That thought makes me sadder than I have ever been. When Pa-Pa died last week, it hit me so hard. I have never felt so hopeless in all of my life.
(me and Pa-Pa)I gave him one final doggie beanie baby about a week before he died. A dog that goes with the ones I had been steadily providing him for years, stuffed bean dogs of every sort. You can see some of them in the background of the last picture. It's a little black dog called Chaser. It stayed in his hospital room until the night we all came when the doctors called us. That was the first thing I picked up. I have in right in front of me. I look at it and that whole night comes back.
(me and Pa-Pa again. This picture was an accident, but I couldn't delete it even if I'd wanted to)He was hurt so badly. He suffered a broken scapula, cuts on his head that required staples, bleeding on his brain, massive internal & external bruising, a bleeding kidney and a bleeding spleen.
So much of that was healing though, and there was talk of moving him to a local rehabilitation hospital. That's why it is so hard to accept. He was getting better, and all of a sudden, he's gone. Just over two weeks to the day of his accident, we were called and told to come to the hospital, that they were trying to revive him, and we needed to get there immediately. Everyone knew what it meant but no one, including me, wanted to believe it.
I and my cousin had been sleeping over with Grandma for the entire time he was in the hospital, and I just happened to be there that night. Mom called me at 12:45AM and told me to get Grandma up because they were coming to get us. I knew that Mom had said they were trying to revive him, but I couldn't bring myself to say that to Grandma. I just told her to get ready and that I didn't know much. I prayed the whole way over.
I got there and walked into the hospital wing with my Dad. Or, I thought I did. Somewhere between getting out of the elevator and the waiting room, Dad stopped being beside me. Maybe he went over to Mom? All I know is that I was standing there for the ten seconds that felt like ten hours watching everyone cry, hoping they were just stressed and letting it out in a huge way. My aunt stopped what she was doing (hugging someone or just sitting there, I don't remember) when she noticed me standing there by myself. She got up and walked over to me like she was going to hug me. I remember saying 'no, don't you tell me that,' or something, her grabbing hold of me, and I never made it to the chair where she was guiding me. My legs failed to work and I was on the floor almost near screaming. I couldn't get up; I didn't deserve to get up, not when PaPa would never get up again. I remember grabbing hold of a coffee table with one hand, and my fingertips turning white on the other hand when I tried to strangle the floor. I couldn't breathe.
Somehow Dad ended up behind me. He put his hand on my back while I was on the floor. I knew it was him. He always had a gentle touch. I turned around and cried in his arms. He helped me up off the floor. Eventually, the on-call hospital chaplain was with us and trying to explain what happened before the doctors came out. I couldn't listen. I got up and walked to the elevator foyer. A short time after walking over there, Josh showed up with the best timing in the world. I had called him right after Mom called me and told him to meet us there. I cried in his arms for what seemed like forever.
We came back after some time and sat with everyone else. The doctors finally came out, and by now, my brother had come. He was by himself, and eventually I went over to him. The doctors explained that Pa-Pa had said he felt like he was being smothered during a late-night breathing treatment and he became non-responsive and then "coded." They worked on him for two hours. Two hours. I knew what it meant. It still didn't hit me. Not all the way. I'm not sure if it has yet.
We were eventually let in to see him. Grandma was so pitiful. She cried like I'd never seen someone cry before. So did my Mom, my uncle and my aunt (Pa-Pa's children). We all did, but we knew the four of them were even more affected. My uncle took it so hard. My mom passed out numerous times. The only other time I ever saw her pass out was over 15 years ago when she was having anemia problems. The only way anyone got her to stay alert after the last time was me, my brother, and my Dad's voices telling her that Grandma needed her.
I knelt down and took hold of his hand at some point and stroked his fingers. His hand was still warm. God, I swear that I felt it contract for just a second. That's just wrong to say, but that's what I wanted it to feel like. I cried for a long time. Josh never left my side. When I let go, someone else did the same. More people had shown up by then. My sister-in-law, almost the entire family. I had hold of the doggie and his pillow Grandma had brought from home for him. It still smelled like him. When I went over and grabbed his hand again, it was getting colder. That's when I really knew.
I can't write anymore tonight. Maybe some other time.
Monday, July 16, 2007
new pics
Today's Carri pic (#2). I've lovingly named it "Kilroy Carri," from the blurry period. This is what happens when coarse-hair girl gets out of a chlorine pool.
I call this "The Insolent One." Laying on my clean clothes... bad piddy.
"The Tired Hubby"Monday, July 09, 2007
For some reason, I like these things
Yeah - I stole a personality quiz again... this time from It ain't safe NOWHERE!. Being fellow "The Color Purple" fans (this will also slowly start to give away my future girl chillun's name if you catch my hint), I appreciate this woman's humor.
1. How tall are you barefoot? 5'4 1/4" (have to count the 1/4, you know)
2. Have you ever flown first-class? No
3. Your favorite books when you were a child? Charlotte's Web, The Giving Tree, Where the Wild Things Are, Where the Sidewalk Ends
4. Good restaurants in your city? Fatz Cafe', California Dreaming, Outback, Zaxby's (yeah, well, that one is semi-fast food, but it's only in the south)
5. What is your favorite small appliance? toaster oven, there isn't much I can't bake in there. Oh, and my ice shaver, of course!!
6. One person that never fails to make you laugh? My husband
7. What’s your favorite Christmas song? O Holy Night
8. What was the first music that you ever bought? Madonna cassette tape
9. Do you do push-ups? No - ow.
10. What were some of your favorite board games as a child? CandyLand, Connect Four, Monopoly, Checkers
11.What is the one thing that you cook that always receives compliments? My "cocaine brownies" as my co-workers put it, and my lemon pie
12. When you were twelve years old, what did you want to be when you grew up? I wanted to be an astronaut. Then I turned 13 and wanted to be a band director.
13. Your favorite Soup of the Day? Loaded Baked Potato from California Dreaming
14. What in your life are you most grateful for? My health, my husband, my entire family, my kitties
15. Have you ever met someone famous? Drake Hogestyn from Days of our Lives, entire Atlanta Falcons team a few years ago (they had football camp at the college nearby and they all came bowling at one time. I was around Michael Vick most of the time. They have some serious appetites!!)
16. Date Of Birth? 10-23-1976
17. Top 3 thoughts at this exact moment: 1) I hope we get a house soon. 2)I love my DVR. 3)I love my hubby.
Why is there no 18?
19. Name five drinks you regularly drink: Water, Sprite, Slushies, Strawberry Smoothie from Liquid Highway, Countrytime Lemonade
20. From what news source do you receive the bulk of your news? wyff4.com, fowxnews.com, courttv.com
21. Current hair? same as I've always had - auburn, almost shoulder-length
22. Current worry? getting a house, losing weight, going to the dermatologist to have two moles looked at (dang red-head non-tanning curse, we just burn, freckle, and get scary skin tests)
23. Current hate? I know it sounds cliche, but I really don't hate anything. Things get on my nerves and I feel like I could ring some necks (especially at work lately LOL), but I'm overall content.
24. Favorite place to be? geographically, I guess it would be Virginia Beach
25. Least favorite place to be? in traffic, or on any busy road (Woodruff, Pelham, Pleasantburg right in front of Pecknel Music), I REALLY need to control my anger on the road. I'm not a rager, and I would never cause problems, but dang, do I ever internalize it.
26. Do you consider yourself well organized? organized chaos LOL, although I am working on the chaos part!
27. Do you believe in a afterlife? yes
28. Where do you think you will be in 10 Yrs? watching my nieces continue with school, playing with my own future children, enjoying a 13th year of marriage
29. Do you burn or tan? burn, big time.
No 30 either?
31. Are you more optimistic or pessimistic about the future? Optimistic
32. Last time you had an alcoholic drink? a month or so ago. can't remember exactly when. i make the best frozen midori sours. :)
33. What songs do you sing in the shower? yakkity yak
34. What did you fear was going to get you at night as a kid? whatever was in the closet, cows
35. What’s in your pockets right now? nothing at all
36. Last thing that made you laugh? my hubby
37. Best bed sheets you had as a child? My little pony
38. Worst injury you’ve ever had? an ankle sprain or two, never broken a bone in my life!
39. Favorite song? SO many. I'll make a separate list for this later!
40. How many TVs do you own? 2
41. In the last calendar year, how many people have you told that you love them? Not sure - I have a BIG family!
42. Last thing that made you blush? When I overheard my PaPa tell my MomMom that I have a natural beauty.
43. Best Compliment received? when my hubby told me I made him want to be a better person.
44. What song is in your head? Theme song from Charmed; that's what I'm watching right now.
45. What is your favorite book? Harry Potter series right now.
46. Last meal you cooked for the opposite sex? can't remember, we've gone out a lot recently!
47. What songs do you want played at your wedding? Been there! Just wanted classical music. We didn't have a DJ, so I made a compilation of all of my favorite appropriate songs to play at the reception.
48. What song do you want played at your funeral? Not sure. Haven't really given that much thought. Is that mandatory?
49. What were you doing at 12 midnight last night? surfing the internet (I love firefox)
50. What would you like to accomplish with the remaining years of your life? Actually, this requires another list as well. See a future post called 101 in 1001 for details.
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