Funny stuff

Uh-oh - posting twice in a day - NOT the start of a trend LOL
This was from an email that got passed to me today. Some real nuggets here.

>GREAT TRUTHS THAT LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED:
>
> 1) No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats.
> 2) When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don't let her brush your
> hair.
> 3) If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch
> the second person.
> 4) Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.
> 5) You can't trust dogs to watch your food.
> 6) Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.
> 7) Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time.
> 8) You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
> 9) Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
> 10) The best place to be when you're sad is Grandpa's lap.
>
>
> GREAT TRUTHS THAT ADULTS HAVE LEARNED:
>
> 1) Raising teenagers is like nailing jelly to a tree.
> 2) Wrinkles don't hurt.
> 3) Families are like fudge...mostly sweet, with a few nuts.
> 4) Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground.
> 5) Laughing is good exercise. It's like jogging on the inside.
> 6) Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not
> the toy.
>
> GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT GROWING OLD
>
> 1) Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.
> 2) Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.
> 3) When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do while
> you're down there.
> 4) You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a
> rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.
> 5) It's frustrating when you know all the answers but nobody
> bothers to ask you the questions.
> 6) Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician.
> 7) Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone.
>
>
> THE FOUR STAGES OF LIFE:
>
> 1) You believe in Santa Claus.
> 2) You don't believe in Santa Claus.
> 3) You are Santa Claus.
> 4) You look like Santa Claus.
>
>
> SUCCESS:
>
> At age 4 success is . . . not peeing in your pants.
> At age 12 success is having friends.
> At age 17 success is . . . having a drivers license.
> At age 35 success is . . . having money.
> At age 50 success is . . . having money.
> At age 70 success is . . having a drivers license.
> At age 75 success is . . . having friends.
> At age 80 success is . . . not peeing in your pants.